penang reflections

 I went back to my college town after 2 years of pandemic misery. 

It was gratifying to feel like my old self again. The wizened cobbled streets of Penang were the same as ever, and I wandered the streets with my best friend from college, reminiscing, under a black umbrella we had purchased from the party street we used to frequent. It was melancholic.  

Four whole days where I didn't have to do anything except reminisce and bask in my memories. I've always been a pretty sentimental person. I love taking pictures of otherwise unremarkable objects just to remind me of specific moments. So I can be spontaneously transported back in time whenever something decides to materialise in my camera roll. I collected many snapshots over that weekend. 

My worries melted away. I spent long, indulgent hours on the balcony overlooking the small sliver of sea that was visible from my room. The skies were dusky and overcast, but that didn't dampen the fact that I was in my favourite place in the world, and for a few days, I could be the person I'd missed for so long again. 

It was a form of closure, I guess, when I couldn't spend more than an hour with some of my old college mates whom I used to spend every waking moment with. Even if it served as a reminder that that part of my life is inexpicably over, being able to revisit it felt like a blessing and a sigh of relief. 

A sigh of relief. Yep, that's what it felt like. Cos I was beginning to forget who I was. And who I always thought I would be. The big scary world had skewed that vision. My Penang trip set it straight again. I could always be whatever I want to be. And that's a relief.