time

 hey. it's 11 am on a tuesday and work starts at 2pm today, so i've got the whole morning off. i didn't do much from 8.30 till now. time feels the way i want it to feel. it goes faster when i anticipate it, and slower when i look away. i guess i have to look away more often. there's this entangled mess of emotions in my chest. i'm feeling listless and a lot of discomfort about going back to work. the anxiety isn't full-blown, just specks of it come through, remnants of a more difficult time. 

im writing to remind myself that i am safe, capable and in my comfort zone. sometimes when you retreat into a deeper area of comfort (read : potato-ing on the couch the entire weekend), pulling yourself out of it seems like a massive chore. but it doesnt have to be. there's always a promise of more weekends, of more dinners, of more brunches with friends, of more skate nights and nights in drawing. there's always more. your experiences (and the ones to come) limitless. they are wholly possible. you dont have limited time. time is expanding as you wish. there's always time. 

there is time. to read, to listen to a podcast, to sip a matcha latte. time to plan out an outfit, to blend in your blush. there's time to pet your cat. time to savour the last few notes of your favourite song. time to breathe into your belly and out through your mouth. there's time to put the kettle on and make yourself a tea. there's time to pull out a book and annotate a paragraph that resonates. there's time to colour in your sketches. there's always time.